Speed Dial Love/ Shout out to my Chicas

A cellular travesty has occurred. It appears that Mitchissmo Speed Dials number 3 and 9, previously belonging to the office and mobile digits of a certain Object of Affection of some 365 days, are blank. After the User honored a respectful ninety days of mourning the aforementioned's permanent displacement overseas, the facts are incontrovertible: whatever satellite clusters once connecting our User to her Object have now expired, and will most likely soon be reassigned as the cell and office phone numbers of an unknown party whose name will likely be Bozena or Jose. Thus, they have been erased, and we are taking applications for new digital components for speed dial numbers 3 and 9.

Management would like to add that three and nine are special speed dial numbers, for they are the easiest and most easily dialed by even an unskilled thumb in times of great happiness, anguish, or chatty boredom.

Addendum

Another matter of grave import: it has been brought to Management's attention that all of our current speed dials belong to male friends of the strictly friends category. Ringing in our ears is our consultant friend Crispito's ground-breaking assertion (circa 1994 kegger) that having a disproportionate amount of friends of the opposite sex is not a sign of good character. While this male-dominated status is a recent occurrence for this particular cell phone (owing to top notch ladies moving beyond the metropolis), Management admits that this problem exists, and we intend to make every effort to make Mitchissmo Speed Dial an Equal Opportunity employer.

So to all the females out there, please apply for advancement into Speed Dial. Four and seven might soon be available. You shall be favored.