Summer and the Stigmata of Ladies' Footwear

foot scars, June 11 weekend

Every year when the temperatures suddenly pop and the streets flood with armies of tank top nakedness, I get a sorrowful thud in my stomach not because the results of my tricep curls will soon be put to the test, but because of two words: flip flops.

Oh yes, I know. Flip Flops are loved by many, many people. Flip Flop Disciples are every where, sporting dresses and sweat pants alike. And I, too, love flip flops... at least in the abstract imaginings of a carefree summer day replete with summer dresses, sangria and general lazin' around. But deep down I know what's going to happen. At first they will feel soooo goooood. Then mid-day, after several subway changes and harried runnings around, I will feel an increasing pinch. If it's not the area between the toes, it's the top of the foot, the inner arch, or some oddly sensitive area of the Big Toe. Blisters, cuts, blood, piggy toe whip lash. And to be fair, this phenomenon is hardly confined to Flip Flops. Nay, it is even worse with the average sandal! I mean really-- a whole pattern of little stiff leather pieces strapped tight across our foot to keep it in as it rushes us to work, and we're shocked to be covered in blisters? A small case of non-consensual S&M, or foot binding/ bondage, if you will. As is the case with most female footwear fashion, the object is to keep us going nowhere. Ladies unite! It is time to rise up against summer sandals!

But there will be no revolution, for the alternative is ugly and habits die hard. Looking at how many women trudge along the lonely path of summer footwear pain, well, I'm at a loss, really. I'm left on the outside. Perhaps it's because I'm of 100% Nordic origin, where our skin is used to wearing boots while we harvest and pummel potatoes. Summer kills me in all respects. Unlike, say, my happy Columbian friend who blossoms in summer with an even, perfect tan (and all those girls in 5th grade-- I hate you!), I freckle, burn, blister, and generally fall apart while I hobble around with a frown.

The problem is skin: skin is tender, leather is not. It takes a few months for your skin to wear leather in. And by that time, of course, summer's over and it's time to pack up the flops and bust out the boots-- and finally, get some walking done.