The Last Cigarette, Cookie and Temper Tantrum

Above, the love of Mitchissmo: Chocolate Chip cookies packaged in lusty cellophane and sold in the revolving vending machine of ______ (an undisclosed location in Times Square)

For sufferers of A.D.D./O.C.D and general manic behavior (shout out to my bloggin' homies!), tinged with a Catholic guilt-inspired drive for constant self improvement, the month of January represents the tome of New Years Resolutions, Volume I and II.

Besides the mundane "no more cigarettes, no more cookies" (I will miss you chocolate chip!)) here is the list for 2005:

1. Attain perfection.

2. In order to attain #1 above, purge self of all anger.

3. In order to reach #2 above, meditate 50 minutes a day.

4. Amend #1-3 by meditating for 120 seconds before all utterances.

5. Write Senator and Congressmen/women every day telling them how to vote on various pieces of legislation of the day.

6. Write Senator and Congressmen/women every day telling them they are doing a good/bad job, based on whether they followed your advice listed above in #5.


7. Write Senator and Congressmen/women every day about what you're up to, trying to make them care.

8. In order to reach #1 listed above, keep living environs SPOTLESS!!! (emphasis added)

a. Eradicate dust:

(i) wash all pens daily, preventing pen handle grime, etc.

(ii) scrub skin with falafel or loofah.

(iii) scrub everything with falafel or loofah.

b. Wage war on the invasion of small scraps of paper:

(i) contact all animals rights groups which fill your mailbox daily and say "fuck you I aint givin you no money", use one or two of their kitten address labels, and then throw it all out;

(ii) while looking at small pile of mementos from Ex, meditate and ask yourself, "was he/she worth it?", then throw it all out.

(iii) after (i) and (ii) above, meditate

9. Find Your True Love and Higher Purpose

10. Should #9 above fail by 2.14.05, either:

a. meditate
b. fuck this whole project~