Vienna is slutty too (5 tops things about Vienna)

I have been to many a Euro city, but I have never been to Vienna, and that's where I am today to give you the Five Best Things of Vienna. One of the five best things about the place is that I get the feeling they like Bush. Of course, i hate the guys' guts, but at least we don't get harrassed about why 59 million people voted for him. The Austrians probably like Bush because they, too, like ripping you off and punishing poverty. But enough ranting.

The second best thing.... Before I begin, let me acknowledge that mais oui, I am lucky to be anywhere other than my grubby Brooklyn goings-ons, but alas, it is bittersweet! Bittersweet to spend 10 days in Europe with my fighting Irish family. This is mainly because I have to stay in a room with my mother, which is much like injecting your ears with biting spiders that you can't pull out. They burrow and get at you unless you play dead. So the only way to escape my mother's biting comments (regarding dress,the roots of my hair, my life, where we should go to buy Austrian crystal) is to stay in bed "sick" until i hear the door slam. And then I do my hermetic thing, which in my book is the Second Best Thing for me...(I get to take pix in a five star hotel.... albeit across the street from where Hitler set up shop, hence the Nazi boot vibe).



Which brings up Viennese Best Things #3 and #4. The coffee rocks. And if it is one thing i cannnot live without, it is Kaffe. They do it up good and right, on a little silver tray with a small glass of water to hydrate the sweet bitter. YAR! And Best Thing #4-- the cigarette afterwards, which you can smoke ANYWHERE-- the elevator, the bathroom, any public place. Go ahead-- puff it in people's faces. You'll be back hiding and mooching guilty cigarettes in LA soon enough.

The Fifth Best Thing about Vienna is the lingerie scene. I mean, like, I have never SEEN so many lingerie stores. The home of Wolford and Palmer, Vienna has lingerie stores in a frequency like we have Gaps and Starbucks. Not a bad trade off. But do these people get laid? Judging by the fact that we got "SSSSSSSed!!!" by some Viennese fascista during the "Nutracker on Jazz" piece at the ballet (i was giggling at how bad they tried to be "loose" and "sexy" doing the "Harlem" jazz), I would say not. It should be noted that she did not SSSSSSht! the Austrians nearby, even when the ballerina doing black face came on. But then again, who has not noticed a link between kinkiness and uptightness? Go ahead-- count how many pervs are neat freaks. See? Yup. A small leap to fascism.

So really, if anyone can tell me about the Viennese lingerie and potential for sluttiness, pray tell.